NEW BLOG....NEW MEEEE

Hey friends (lol, since I know the only people that read this are my friends..and fam)

anyways I decided to CHANGE UP my personal BLOG and shift the focus from moving to Nigeria to just...well..living or trying to have a life here. because after 8 months living HERE (can u believe its about to me 8 MONTHS), I think am well embedded in the system.

ANyways the new blog is...



http://theworldaccordingtouchenna.blogspot.com

YAY!!

Check it out!!

Single in the CITY: the Beginning

So its been forever since I've been single...and now that I am I don't even know what to do. Being home is the last place where I want to be single, not that there are no eligible dudes (em...we'll get back to dat) but its always SOMETHING.

I mean first, we live in a chavinistic (spelling?) society where the man is always right, and that does not sit well with me. I mean I found myself getting in some ridiculous arguments at work over crzy sexist comments. and 2) everyone finds it odd when ur single. Like I remember when my uncle asked me, and I told him I didn't have a BF, he went on about how I was lying and trying to cover something up, blah, blah, blah.
3) There is no dating in this country, well for some there is, but for me, I don't know how to explain to my padre that I am having dinner with a guy, or a guy is coming to pick me up, bottomline is they don't want to know that men and women date, they just want to believe that they meet and discuss their wedding plans. So I'll now have to start sneaking around, which after a while just gets old and annoying and stressful.
4) There is no dating, because once you're seen talking to Guy A. you are automatically expected to see that relationship to the altar, or else u switching from A to B, makes u seem loose? (such bullshit).

Anyways how this unneccessary wahala just makes me not want to even talk or meet anyone, the whole thing is just tricky.

Speaking of dating..how do u even begin? I mean with so many desperate chicks out here (these gurls are on dat marriage grind HARDDDD boiiii!!!) how do u stand out as a normal "am- not-thinking- about- marriage -but -I -kinda- have- to- since -I -live -with- my- parents" gurl, better yet, whats your motivation to date when most (not all) of this dudes are probably talkin to someone else. I once heard of this gurl that was dating this guy for like a year, and then later found out he had a wife and 2kids in england...that shyt freaked me out!! (that and many other crzy dating stories).

To be honest with u, the whole thing is just stressful..an arranged marriage when am 30 is beginning to look good right about now ;)

BACK TO BL.......................OG

So its been like 5months since I have been in Nigeria and sadly to say, I have become one of “those” Nigerians. I didn’t even know I was doing it, it took my lil sis asking why am always so “negative” for me to realize that all this “polluted” air has gotten into me. O.M.G I have become a bitchy NIGERIA.
I guess somewhere between my job and NYSC I sold my happy soul to the devil, em….actually NYSC stole my soul, lol. Anyways I will gist about NYSC when I have the energy to write a short story.

Nigeria is a jungle, you can’t be civilized and get anything done. A friend advised me once to just relax and let it get to me, you know, let all the bullshit in so that one day I can just erupt like a volcano and RELEASE EVERYTHING. Which I am still working on, I think my bullshit tank is not yet full so I still have a couple of days, maybe weeks or month left before I finally ERUPT. I don’t understand why people are so INCOMPTENT, I mean for instance take my situation with my driver. He’s a driver, my driver he has to drive me places, yet when I say “nedu take me to silverbird” he actually has the audacity to tell me DAT IT WILL BE TOO STRESSFUL ON HIM since he’s tired, wat f**king sense does dat make, n*gga do I CARE? UR JOB IS TOOOOO DRIVE. After he and da rest of this incompetents will tell u dat “oh there is no money, things are hard, our leaders are corrupt, blah, blah, blah. But……………BREAKIN NEWS: “most Nigerians DON’T WANT TO WORK!!!. They rather go to church and ask God for money to POUR on them.

Even at work, some of my co-workers just sit there and don’t do jack, unless da boss is coming, like when I say they don’t do jack, I mean THEY DON’T DO JACK, they rather sit around and engage in Nigeria’s favorite pastime: GOSSIP.

Anyways, lemme stop before I raise my blood temperature thinking about dat driver.

So xmas ’08 should have been themed “when will I get married”

To be Cont…..

Easy like Sunday Morning.

Is sunday your favorite day? well sundays are mine, why is it really soooo eassyyyy and stressfree, up until the evenings though. lol.

Anyways, I was having one of those beautiful, easy, sunny, stressfree sundays and decided to share.

Well its officially been 2 months and half (wow the days fly by FAST) since I relocated to Nigeria and I have developed some routines, I guess, since I have been back. I work from Mon. to Fridays and sometimes saturdays, so Sundays are very very special for me.

Anyways my sundays start out with Mass (do I have a choice?), followed by lunch of fried rice, salad and chicken, a 1hr nap. a MANDATORY browsing of THIS DAY STYLE (luv it) and then entertaining guest till 6/7, followed by preparation for the rest of the week or watever. I don't think am anti-social, but every once in a while a gurl loves her own peace and quiet, so I hate it when people drop by unannounced.

Speaking of THIS DAY STYLE, that happens to be my favorite read since I've gotten quite tired of all the B.S glossy Mags out there. I remember when OVATION used to be the -ISH- now there's TRUE LOVE, GENEVIEVE, GEM, SOUNDCITY BLAST, and wat not. It gets soo tiring and boring after a while..Always the same THING!!

One Magazine that I particularly DETEST is DYNAMIX, it is supposed to be this Mag for "Campus" students, but it is just TRASH, TRASH, TRASH, all u see is tacky People throwing Tacky parties, full of gurls that wear nothing but BOOB REVEALING OUTFITS...and speaking of BOOBS, when did "CLEAVAGE" become a NAIJA STANDARD for WOMEN.

Like for real every women in every occasion is always EXPOSING her BREAST, even in CHURCH!! it is sooo annoying, I mean I used to be a big fan of the "MEAGAN GOOD" boob-reveal, now I just hate it, its sooo CLASSLESS and has now become my #1 pet peeve.

Speakin of Pet Peeves, I want to ask what it means to be a Naija celeb. Like I understand Movie stars, singers and soccer stars constitute as one, but what about all these other randoms? Like one thing I've noticed is these up and coming so-called actresses that are prob. featured in 5 movies(in Nollywood, 5 movies is an equivalent of an extra on a sitcom in Hollywood) or something and get splashed on VANGUARD, MIRROR, THISDAY or some other newspaper talking about what they Like in BED, in an attempt to extend their 15 SECONDS of fame. Better yet what is up with every GURL in Town claiming to be a MO-DELL (not Model ohhhhh). Every gurl with any professional picture claims to be ONE (but then again there is no difference between them and those HEFAS in the south, MUSIC VIDEO VIXEN wannabes..blah, blah, blah). Not just MO-DELL's every gurl is also a Beauty pagent, and speaking of (I know..enough with that..lol), but speaking of pagent, there is ONE like EVERY DAY, MISS PRECISION, MISS ORELEKA, MISS VALENTINE, MISS BEAUTY, MISS FINE GURL, MISS SOUTH, MISS NORTH, MISS UNIVERSITY, MISS THIS M MISS THAT...HABA HOW MUCH IS TOOO MUCH!

but then again I shouldn't be spkin since I Co-hosted one, but to my defence it was a UN owned pagent so I guess it does not count. Anyways, ENOUGH WITH THE BEAUTY PAGENTS!!!

So, since I hate reading glossy magas, my favorite thing to do is to read the "DEAR REBECCA" sections of the newspapers. This SECTION is the funniest thing EVER!!!! there is no kind of question that people don't ask. You have the people that want to change their husbands "MAN" part, you have the mistresses (wats new) that want the man to marry them, you have the my "WHO-HA" smells funny, and my all time favorite "I met a guy with 7 kids, from different mothers, who is 45 and am 20 and he's nice and says he loves me (this is after 2 hrs of meeting ohhh) WHAT SHOULD I DO? LMAO..

really when u read this things, u discover that u can't look to the average nigerian for a clue into the problems of the country, really, I mean so many people are focused on their own bullshit that the don't see the opportunities that is overflowing in this country. Somehow, only the oyibo people see it, but that's another story.

ANYWAYS, one of things I love about being back home is having a personal TAILOR!!! I love how cheap and affordable it is to recreate one's CLOSET they way you like without ever buying anything other than FABRICS. I mean there is this gurl at work that only wears work outfit made of ANKARA and she always LOOKS AMAZING, I ENVY HER CLOSET!! Lookin at her, I just want to burn my "WESTERN" PANT and SUIT. I have to take a pic of one of her outfits and post it on here.

Anyways, My fingers are tired of typing, I don't even think I wrote anything meaningful, LOL but ya.

Who Moved my CHEESE??

so I finished reading this book called "WHO MOVED MY CHEESE" about two mice, and 2 little people, and what happened when their source of food (CHEESE) was no longer there. The book is one of those managment books on dealing with CHANGE in organizations, community, relationships and so on....

MEN it was a GOOD READ. I kept thinking to myself, how I was like the character HAW, so this character even though he witnesses that things around him are no longer the same, he contines because his buddy "HEM" does not want to change. When CHANGE occured in their lives, this is what HEM says:

"Oh WHY ME?" "wHAT DID I do to deserve this" "Its NOT FAIR" "Maybe if I remain the same, things will return to normal"

While HAW'S response was: "I know this change is hard but I believe that if I go along with it, things will get easier", "My old mindset does not fit into my new circumstances"

at the end of the book, ur left contemplating the times in your life when u acted like HEM or HAW.

Anyways, this book got me thinkin about this new phase of my life. About the changes around me, as well as within me, I started thinkin about my future. Its funny since I've been in Nigeria I've found that I've been forced to examine my life, forced to drop all da bullshit that used to be around me, forced to be BRUTALLY HONEST WITH MYSELF, having to stand up to people that I feel are in my way and finally having the guts to take more risk.

Take for instance:

CAREER- I've come to realize that I can't be shy about stating what I WANT, I mean if I don't tell myself my goals everyday I will not even be on my way towards them, and the funny thing is that AFFIRMATIONS WORK, everyday I randomly "bum" into people that help me reach my goal, it is amazing.

RELATIONSHIP- Well, I need to blog about my views on marriage later, (lol) but in the mean time, I don't know whether its the constant reminder that I am "OLD and RIPE for marriage" or what, but its like I cherish my time, meaning like in the past when I would just talk to people for "talking" sakes, now I think to myself, "Uche wat do u gain(not speakin about material things) from associating with this person". And one thing I keep reminding myself is this "I am first and foremost RESPONSIBLE for me" (might sound selfish) but I don't remember being put on this earth to be someone else's biatch. But with dat said, I have also learned when to take dat risk of extending myself for someone I believe its worth it.

FRIENDSHIPS- Thank GOD I am gettin older seriously!! when I was younger I had this problem of always trying to please people, I don't know if it was my insecurities but I would always put myself in harms way just so that other people will like me. But now its like "bitch please" its either u like me or not, its not by force, I mean really. LOL. bt no, a situation came up when a friend invited me out somewhere, I was really knackered and told her I couldn't make it, and then this hefa threw a fit? like..am confused am too tired to go out with u while u whore urself and am da BAD PERSON?? anyways, needless to say, I have not returned dat call. I went to a women empowerment conference in Lagos, and the guest speaker said something that still strikes a cord with me, she said: "Both successful and unsuccessful people have 24HRS in their day, the difference between the two, is how they spend their time, in general people tend to use 80% of their time on unproductive things".....WOW..SO TRUE. So my friends, I just do me, its easier and more efficient :)

Overall, since being home I've been content with the CHANGE, yes it gets harder sometimes(I still miss starbucks, lol) but I just remind myself that those times are opportunities for GROWTH.

anyways am off to bed, am TIRED!!!

HAPPY A MONTH.5 ANNIVERSARY TO MOI!!

Happy month.5 anniversary to MEEEE

So it’s been more than a month since I officially moved back, I must tell you it does not feel this long, it actually feels like I moved back like maybe 2 weeks ago. Anyways what have I learned and what has changed, besides getting “tanner” because of this ferocious sun and Heat, below are a couple of other lessons.

1 Being Nice and Polite DOES NOT get the job done, sometimes a shy, quiet, introvert like myself has to SCREAM, HISS, and DEMAND that things get done the way I want them to be done. I remember the first day at work, I smiled so damn much that I actually got yelled at by this lady because she thought I was being quite patrionizing. Now I frown like I heard u call my mama names and greet people….I seem to be fittin in quite well.

2 No matter how classy the venue is, there is nothing like a “QUEUE”. I learned this the hard way my first of work when I stood in line for wat felt like 3 hours while mofos kept cutting in left and right, I was tooo intimidated to say anything so I kept waiting my turn, which never came, and the egg rolls ran out, so I embarrsingly crossed to the bakery side and ordered 2 croissant for lunch, I was soo hungry and pissed that day. So now what I do is I have my game face on, don’t mind that I am cutely dressed and clutching my nice LV purse with my stunner shades, when that door opens for the late comers at church, I am “elbowing” and stepping over
“toddlers” to get a seat, or shoving my carts against people to collect “ Sugar Bread” at shoprite.


3 Every Occasion is a DRESSING competition, ladies u know what I am talking about. I never get out of bed not lookin like I have $10,000 dollars. These HEFAs don’t play!!

4Even grandpa’s will hit on you so always wear your “If you look my way, I’ll eff u up FACE” always, all day, everyday.

5Never pretend you’re a foreigner and you don’t know, some people will jump at the chance to dupe u always act like u know. ALWAYS.

6The traffic in Lagos is well…wats the synonym for “more than terrible” so be prepared, if you going to work, take a shower the night before, jump into the car with your P.Js and cereal, by the time u get to work u would have dressed up, done ur makeup, curled ur hair, and eaten brkfast or done whatever takes 4 hrs to do.

7Learn to be HUMBLE, it does not matter that u flew 15 hours to get to the country, that you were an executive director at a prominent bank or that the pope is on ur Fav-Five, people here tend to have power trips so try to afford statin statements with “Do you know who I am” because chances are that most people don’t care, u know ur important to don’t stoop to other people’s insecurities. Also learn to never internalize other people’s negativities, don’t let ignorant people steal your joy (which will happen more times than you like), not only is this good for the aura of your day, it is good for your heart.

8Don’t try to play mother Theresa and save all the beggars on the street, (actually you can but giving them money is not an efficient way) because everytime you give one money, 30 million others jump out of nowhere.

9If you want to be frustrated, pissed, depressed, upset, then read the “uncensored” newspapers, with articles written by foolish anti-nigerian journalist, who claim to be saying “THE TRUTH”.


10But most importantly, NEVER EVER EVER have America or England or any other western country in Mind, you are IN NIGERIA, this is a different country the sooner you learn to stop comparing and contrasting, the easier it will be to settle in, however this is not mean perpetuating the negative stereotype of the country, it simply means learning that a majority of the people live in poverty…Mental Poverty, and rather than bitch, accept each obstacle as a character building lesson, because even though I’ve only been here for a month.5, I feel like I’ve learned a lot not only about myself, but about human nature in general. We are still a developing nation, and it will take developed minds to get us where we need to be.

Bitchin with BITCHES!!

iN the how many yrs I lived in america, I was shielded from the nigerian community (mom is very private) until college when my eager ass went out seekin for "my people". little did I know that my mom was somewhat right, so after goin out of my way to contact people I fell out of touch with I started rebuilding friendships and slowing entering the community. In retrospect what I did not know wat dat I was SLOWLY but SURELY opening up PANDORA'S BOX.

so now that I came back, I decided to FULL FLEDGE jump into this goal of making more Nigerian friends (lol like dats hard in nigeria) but to my surprise this ish is harder than I thought. not because I am some weirdo that can't make friends, but because I AM VERY PICKY ABOUT THE QUALITY OF FRIENDS I HAVE. first of all I am a drama free person, for cryin out loud in my spare time, I listen to spiritual tapes and read "new age philosophy' (yes am a NERD, sue me ;) so it was of great surprise when some hefa who called herself a friend and I got into a weird argument type thing today, and she posted one B.S on facebook.

I don't get it, why are some naija gurls (i hate to make a generalization), so PETTY?? at work all they effin do is gossip, and because I don't partake in it, I am considered the snob (gorgeous snob, thanks :) like really wy would I say ish when I have nothing to say? wat do I gain from it. and WHY do they always WANT TO COMPETE WITH U. I know its a competition because every time I mention something these hefa's try to top it.

And it does not help that some of the HEFA's I met in the state (some not all) are completely dumb and a waste of time. For GOD's sakes Life is too short to be stupid and petty, who cares about who's dating who, talked to who, wears what, looked at u, started wat club, did not talk to u, joined what sorority, ate what fruits, WHAT???? who da F**K CARES???

I've just started makin all MALE FRIENDS but thats not helping, becaus then u get those late night text saying "I miss ur smile". and it also doesn't help cuz some GUYS are GOSSIPS (wat bitches)

Someone please let me know that it's just not me. I want to make SMART, INTELLIGENT, friends that can Have discussions about going through mini-existentialist CRISIS, or discovring their spirituality while discussing what weave I should do next, and wat not...(maybe not such odd topics but somthing similar). I don't want an army of gurls dat only talk about SHOPPING! and GUYS!! I mean....(don't shoot me) I DON'T EVEN LIKE SHOPPING!!!! (yes, gasp!)

anyways, until then, I guess I just have to keep dealin with the late night texts and my sister :)

I miss my friends that would not bat an eye or be quiet or hiss when I:

1. get drunk or tipsy (lol, I used to party HARD, back in the day) instead of the bitches that pretend they don't drink, quote the bible, only to be the biggest whores ever, or TAKE a PIC of ur DRUNK and post it on FACEBOOK.

2. The friend that u can tell ur problems to, and be weak around, not those hefa's that would repeat it to everyone they say, adding salt and pepper to the gist.

3. The friend that u don't have to wear fancy outfits to impress, the ones that can follow u to payless and buy some summer sandals, not the bitches that act like they can't spend less than $100.

4. The friends that you can have intelligent/odd convos with and can play DUMB around, not the bitches that USE BIG words ( lol am anti-BIG english) to let u know they have 5 degrees and one coming and CORRECT U all the damn time (makes me want to slap her with a GIANT WEBSTER/OXFORD COMBO dictionary)

5. The friends that are just...I dunno...NORMAL?

6. Just friends that would not JUDGE U.

anyways, until then I guess I'll just roll deep... SOLO "maka na" some of this bitches are PSYCHO and will flip on u any minute. One gurl said something to me like "gurl I like ur shoes" and the gurl next to her was like "IT'S NOT ALL dat, it looks like one of those chinese knockoffs"....well yes hefa its a CHINESE KNOCKOFF but is it ur business? did sayin it make u feel good? wats da point.

I just don't get it???


anyways I just don't get it, I had to VENT on my BLOG, and not post one of those "f**k them hater, status on Facebook". lol.