Friday, September 5, 2008

Finding Sanity


wow, I never thought I'd been blogging about this but Alot happens in a day here that you kinda have no choice but to write it all down.

It was a summer like this one, the olympics had come and gone, Nigeria won Gold, I was 12 and it was '96. My mom packed up all our clothes, and somehow everything fit 2 suitcases (mind u there are 5 kids and the youngest was a baby), I was told I was going on summer VACA and so I did not bother to tell my friends bye, I simply bragged the last week of exams that I was going to AMERICA. little did I know I was staying for good, and little did I know I would not see those people again.

Fast-Forward 12yrs later, Olympics had come and gone, Nigeria won Silver and I packed up all my things in 5 suitcases, happily told my friends goodbye and now I am here back In Nigeria.

Eversince I got home, it seems like the past 12yrs of my life had been a blur, I can't recall anything significant, my Diploma neatly kept in my folder is a reminder that indeed alot had happened in those 12yrs. Lets see, Quick re-cap: graduated Middle school, graduated High-school, graduated College, started working and now am here in Nigeria.

Anyways let me get to the gist of my story, so what is a college graduate from a great university in the states doing here? How do I put this without sounding like an attention-seeker? well lets see:

For the past I can't even recall how many years (prob since college) I had been suffering from Crazy Panic attacks . I am actually very embarrased to write it, but I figure it's time I come clean. I guess after years of pushing myself to excel and other stuff (will talk about that later) I had driven myself to some kind of dark alternate universe. Lol in Naija they will say evil spirit or something. but anyways, I found myself in a dark place in my mind. But one day, after work I came home to my empty apartment, looked around at the nice sofa, t.v, beautiful kitchen, gorgeous bedroom, a closet full of Dolce and Gabbana jeans (sue me am spoilt), Cache dresses, Aldo and payless shoes, and Bebe tops, I sat down and started CRYING.

I reached out to call my mom but I was too embarrased to let her know what I was feeling, I tried to call my friends but I already knew what they would say "your working too much, take a break, treat yourself ..blah, blah, blah". and so I sat there and CRIED, kept CRYING till I felt the tears dry up and then I went to sleep. But instead of going to work the next day, I called in, quit my job, looked at my bank account to see if I had saved enough money, purchased my ticket, called my parents and told them I was going home.

The series of events from the time I purchased my plane tickets home to when I got home is a blur but all I remember was this....

Driving home from the airport and looking at the hawkers all around, I smiled, because I finally felt an odd sense of peace within.

They say different strokes for different folks, no one at this point understands why I would give up my job and move to Nigeria with no friends and no Job; only I do. I came here not seeking anything other than the peace of mind that comes with knowing that there is a Higher purpose in this world for us, and I am confident that I've found mine at home.

So here bloggers, this is my story. I am HOME and I am HAPPY :)

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