HAPPY A MONTH.5 ANNIVERSARY TO MOI!!

Happy month.5 anniversary to MEEEE

So it’s been more than a month since I officially moved back, I must tell you it does not feel this long, it actually feels like I moved back like maybe 2 weeks ago. Anyways what have I learned and what has changed, besides getting “tanner” because of this ferocious sun and Heat, below are a couple of other lessons.

1 Being Nice and Polite DOES NOT get the job done, sometimes a shy, quiet, introvert like myself has to SCREAM, HISS, and DEMAND that things get done the way I want them to be done. I remember the first day at work, I smiled so damn much that I actually got yelled at by this lady because she thought I was being quite patrionizing. Now I frown like I heard u call my mama names and greet people….I seem to be fittin in quite well.

2 No matter how classy the venue is, there is nothing like a “QUEUE”. I learned this the hard way my first of work when I stood in line for wat felt like 3 hours while mofos kept cutting in left and right, I was tooo intimidated to say anything so I kept waiting my turn, which never came, and the egg rolls ran out, so I embarrsingly crossed to the bakery side and ordered 2 croissant for lunch, I was soo hungry and pissed that day. So now what I do is I have my game face on, don’t mind that I am cutely dressed and clutching my nice LV purse with my stunner shades, when that door opens for the late comers at church, I am “elbowing” and stepping over
“toddlers” to get a seat, or shoving my carts against people to collect “ Sugar Bread” at shoprite.


3 Every Occasion is a DRESSING competition, ladies u know what I am talking about. I never get out of bed not lookin like I have $10,000 dollars. These HEFAs don’t play!!

4Even grandpa’s will hit on you so always wear your “If you look my way, I’ll eff u up FACE” always, all day, everyday.

5Never pretend you’re a foreigner and you don’t know, some people will jump at the chance to dupe u always act like u know. ALWAYS.

6The traffic in Lagos is well…wats the synonym for “more than terrible” so be prepared, if you going to work, take a shower the night before, jump into the car with your P.Js and cereal, by the time u get to work u would have dressed up, done ur makeup, curled ur hair, and eaten brkfast or done whatever takes 4 hrs to do.

7Learn to be HUMBLE, it does not matter that u flew 15 hours to get to the country, that you were an executive director at a prominent bank or that the pope is on ur Fav-Five, people here tend to have power trips so try to afford statin statements with “Do you know who I am” because chances are that most people don’t care, u know ur important to don’t stoop to other people’s insecurities. Also learn to never internalize other people’s negativities, don’t let ignorant people steal your joy (which will happen more times than you like), not only is this good for the aura of your day, it is good for your heart.

8Don’t try to play mother Theresa and save all the beggars on the street, (actually you can but giving them money is not an efficient way) because everytime you give one money, 30 million others jump out of nowhere.

9If you want to be frustrated, pissed, depressed, upset, then read the “uncensored” newspapers, with articles written by foolish anti-nigerian journalist, who claim to be saying “THE TRUTH”.


10But most importantly, NEVER EVER EVER have America or England or any other western country in Mind, you are IN NIGERIA, this is a different country the sooner you learn to stop comparing and contrasting, the easier it will be to settle in, however this is not mean perpetuating the negative stereotype of the country, it simply means learning that a majority of the people live in poverty…Mental Poverty, and rather than bitch, accept each obstacle as a character building lesson, because even though I’ve only been here for a month.5, I feel like I’ve learned a lot not only about myself, but about human nature in general. We are still a developing nation, and it will take developed minds to get us where we need to be.

Bitchin with BITCHES!!

iN the how many yrs I lived in america, I was shielded from the nigerian community (mom is very private) until college when my eager ass went out seekin for "my people". little did I know that my mom was somewhat right, so after goin out of my way to contact people I fell out of touch with I started rebuilding friendships and slowing entering the community. In retrospect what I did not know wat dat I was SLOWLY but SURELY opening up PANDORA'S BOX.

so now that I came back, I decided to FULL FLEDGE jump into this goal of making more Nigerian friends (lol like dats hard in nigeria) but to my surprise this ish is harder than I thought. not because I am some weirdo that can't make friends, but because I AM VERY PICKY ABOUT THE QUALITY OF FRIENDS I HAVE. first of all I am a drama free person, for cryin out loud in my spare time, I listen to spiritual tapes and read "new age philosophy' (yes am a NERD, sue me ;) so it was of great surprise when some hefa who called herself a friend and I got into a weird argument type thing today, and she posted one B.S on facebook.

I don't get it, why are some naija gurls (i hate to make a generalization), so PETTY?? at work all they effin do is gossip, and because I don't partake in it, I am considered the snob (gorgeous snob, thanks :) like really wy would I say ish when I have nothing to say? wat do I gain from it. and WHY do they always WANT TO COMPETE WITH U. I know its a competition because every time I mention something these hefa's try to top it.

And it does not help that some of the HEFA's I met in the state (some not all) are completely dumb and a waste of time. For GOD's sakes Life is too short to be stupid and petty, who cares about who's dating who, talked to who, wears what, looked at u, started wat club, did not talk to u, joined what sorority, ate what fruits, WHAT???? who da F**K CARES???

I've just started makin all MALE FRIENDS but thats not helping, becaus then u get those late night text saying "I miss ur smile". and it also doesn't help cuz some GUYS are GOSSIPS (wat bitches)

Someone please let me know that it's just not me. I want to make SMART, INTELLIGENT, friends that can Have discussions about going through mini-existentialist CRISIS, or discovring their spirituality while discussing what weave I should do next, and wat not...(maybe not such odd topics but somthing similar). I don't want an army of gurls dat only talk about SHOPPING! and GUYS!! I mean....(don't shoot me) I DON'T EVEN LIKE SHOPPING!!!! (yes, gasp!)

anyways, until then, I guess I just have to keep dealin with the late night texts and my sister :)

I miss my friends that would not bat an eye or be quiet or hiss when I:

1. get drunk or tipsy (lol, I used to party HARD, back in the day) instead of the bitches that pretend they don't drink, quote the bible, only to be the biggest whores ever, or TAKE a PIC of ur DRUNK and post it on FACEBOOK.

2. The friend that u can tell ur problems to, and be weak around, not those hefa's that would repeat it to everyone they say, adding salt and pepper to the gist.

3. The friend that u don't have to wear fancy outfits to impress, the ones that can follow u to payless and buy some summer sandals, not the bitches that act like they can't spend less than $100.

4. The friends that you can have intelligent/odd convos with and can play DUMB around, not the bitches that USE BIG words ( lol am anti-BIG english) to let u know they have 5 degrees and one coming and CORRECT U all the damn time (makes me want to slap her with a GIANT WEBSTER/OXFORD COMBO dictionary)

5. The friends that are just...I dunno...NORMAL?

6. Just friends that would not JUDGE U.

anyways, until then I guess I'll just roll deep... SOLO "maka na" some of this bitches are PSYCHO and will flip on u any minute. One gurl said something to me like "gurl I like ur shoes" and the gurl next to her was like "IT'S NOT ALL dat, it looks like one of those chinese knockoffs"....well yes hefa its a CHINESE KNOCKOFF but is it ur business? did sayin it make u feel good? wats da point.

I just don't get it???


anyways I just don't get it, I had to VENT on my BLOG, and not post one of those "f**k them hater, status on Facebook". lol.

I TOLD u SO!!

Why does it seem like everyone has a right to direct ur life but “you”. I can’t tell u how many times I’ve heard “What are u doing”, (I respond) and then it’s followed by “Why? Don’t u think you should get your masters first and then work for an oil company or a bank? I mean why are my options limited to OIL, Bank and Law? (am not a med student so Doctor is not there)

I don’t get it, help me understand this, if you go to the top law school in the world, you will find a plethora of Nigerians, yet we are a LAWLESS NATION, if you go to the top medical school in the world, you find even more Nigerians, but yet our healthcare is a JOKE, if you go to the accounting world; again, u will be meet many nigerians, but yet we are #1 on the list of CORRUPT nations. So Tell me what sense does it make to pursue those careers when those before me have done nothing GREAT!

Why is it not okay for me to “still be deciding”? to venture out in different things before I make a huge plunge, why is it a crime that I am taking a year off before I pursue my masters, instead of “BAGGING” another degree only for me to end up doing something completely different.

I don’t know about you I am not one of those people that like to dress themselves in degrees and big English, with nothing to show for.

Today I went to a coffee-shop by my office and felt like I was in another world, the place (like every other cool hangout spot in lagos) is owned by lebanese business people. They were all over the place, and today I saw an oyibo man driving in the lagos traffic and I thought to myself, when I left there were not that many “foreigners’, now they’re everywhere which is super cool because it helps in strengthening the cosmopolitan feel of this city. Anyways but really why do we have a lot of foreigners chilling here, making big money, creating their own mini-world here while am still being told that I should go back and bag another degree and work for a couple of years. I know what I want to do, I’ve always known but when u hear that ur ideas are nothing more than “kiddie talk” you begin to doubt yourself.

Anyways I have no choice now, am back to make all my dreams a reality, even if I fail (which is impossible) I will be glad to know that at least I tried. So I end with wise words from one of my favorite thinkers: Ralph Waldo Emerson

“A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the lustre of the firmament of bards and sages. Yet he dismisses without notice his thought, because it is his. In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts: they come back to us with a certain alienated majestyElse, to-morrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense precisely what we have thought and felt all the time, and we shall be forced to take with shame our own opinion from another."

The END of "US"

So after a year or so, my intense relationship with my bestest BF is over.

Funny thing is am finally at peace with myself. I think that being in a shitty relationship is the worst thing two SANE individuals can do for themselves. Its so funny, two equally intelligent people can come into a relationship and behave like psychotic devils, all in the name of relationship. While others would blame the people involved, I blame the situation itself.

The funny thing though is that, just like the real casualties of death are those affected, the real casualties of a broken relationship are those that knew the couple. Those that u (person involved in the relationship) try to avoid at all cost, because seeing them reminds u of the life that was.

The are the ones affected because they'll forever travel with the "ghost" of the broken relationship, feeling awkard when the see Mr. A with Mrs. D instead of Mrs. B. They are the casualties because they stand in that grey area, not knowing if to praise the "newly" seperated Mrs. B or buy her a box of chocolates and kleenex to CRY with her. They are the casualties because they don't know how they feel about the -EX-, I mean he/she is undeniably the ENEMY now because he or she is now a "half" instead of a "Whole".

Its funny, I thought that when me and My bestest BF (if we did) brokeup I would be shattered, devasted and probably become GAY, but I guess I've become more mature than I used to be because for the first time, I am not upset, not unhappy, not angry after a breakup; especially one that lasted a yr+. I guess the reason is that as much as I loved the other person, our being together often brought out the worst in the other person more times than it should have. Its HARD to love another person, when you HATE the person you've become.

I also guess I've become more mature, because instead of becoming pessimistic about my love life, I am now more OPTIMISTIC, I now know that there is someone out there for me and this whole time I was holding on to another woman's IDEAL MAN.

I hope "he" and I can still be friends, but chances are that it is improbable. Not because we're angry or bitter with each other, but because we've OUTGROWN the versions of ourselves we ONCE knew.

so note to my future "HUBBY": AM READY!!! lol